Unmitigated Phallus

Time for a Controversial Subject: Abortion

bebinn:

psychosissunshine:

Normally, I don’t want to talk about this subject. Everybody either already has an opinion about it, is really uncomfortable about talking about it, or is unsure of how they feel about it. But, I feel that I must make my personal feelings about it now, after reading some highly offensive statements.

Someone wrote that people who are pro life have no right to be feminists. This hurts me to know that someone who is a fellow feminist would say such a thing. “If you don’t feel exactly the same as me about this subject matter THEN YOU ARE TOTALLY WRONG!” Since when did abortion become the litmus test for whether or not you are a feminist? I consider feminism to be about earning equality for ALL PEOPLE. Everyone. All people, men, women, and children, have the right to be successful, loved, healthy and occasionally very happy. Everyone deserves to make their own choices in life.

Abortion is about more than a choice. It is a decision. And a grim decision at that, no matter the situation. No matter how much we try to dance around it, and disguise the reality of it, abortion means taking a human life. To make the decision to take a human life is a bit more complicated than making a simple choice.

Let me be clear: I love women. I love all sorts of women. We are wonderful, intelligent, beautiful creatures and our voices and decisions matter. I don’t know whether or not I consider myself pro choice, or pro life. All I know is that I hate the fact that women would be forced into a position where abortion seems to be the only option that might save her life. I understand that there are situations where a woman who unintentionally concieved would be put in physical danger if she gave birth. I do not condemn these women for protecting themselves, or preserving their health. No one could ever ask them to sacrifice their life if they were not totally willing.

Otherwise, I would have to oppose the decision to have an abortion. I understand that the majority of arguments used for abortion is in the case of rape, a horrible and serious crime. It is demeaning in every sense of the word, and men and women deserve justice if they are subjected to such a thing. However, the blame of this crime does not lie on the child. I don’t believe that little children should die for the sin of the father. I understand that not all women are prepared or suitable to be mothers. In this case, there are plenty of adoption agencies that are readily available.

Why would we ever choose to make abortion the staple of feminism? It’s an awful thing. Whats worse is, the majority of abortions are not commited in the instance of rape. It was just a choice. Like choosing a new purse at the mall. Why would we want this to be a statement of feminism? “I have the right to kill my baby if I want to.” It shouldn’t sound that horrible and blunt, but it does. We excuse it by saying calling it a “fetus”, saying it isnt a human life, but really, most women do not even suspect they are pregant until at least three months. By that time, it is irrefutable.

I don’t mean to step on anyone’s toes, although I undoubtebly will, speaking so plainly about such a controversial subject. I only ask that you understand one point: Feminism is NOT about choosing whether or not to have an abortion. It is about acheiving equality for all people. It is about freedom for all. About being seen as more than a beautiful woman, but simply as a human being. All sorts of people are feminists, all with varying ideals and views. As long as you have the well being and betterment of societal standards at heart, you are a feminist.

You have the right to disagree with me, but do so in a manner that is respectful, and calm.  

It always baffles me when people compare the choice to buy a trivial, material good with the decision of whether to be pregnant for nine months, then give birth or not. If we’re going to be talking about respecting and loving women*, I don’t want to hear that shit. My body is not a purse or a pair of shoes - it is a vessel that houses me: a person. It’s what I use to get around and take care of myself and my loved ones. Pregnancy is a nine-month commitment to a growing, changing body, with a virtually endless list of possible side effects and complications. We are more than our bodies, and we deserve to be treated as such.

Abortion is the choice you make when you don’t want to, or simply cannot be pregnant. Abortion is the choice you make when faced with losing your home, your job, or the ability to feed your children. Abortion is the choice you make to escape your abuser. Abortion is the choice you make to save your sanity, your health, or your life. Abortion is the choice you make so you can get your degree and get a job. Abortion is the choice you make when you know you simply cannot care for another being.

We call it what it is - a zygote, a blastocyst, an embryo, or a fetus. That’s not excusing anything - that is what it is. We refuse to conjure up an image of a chubby, smiling baby, when the reality is most abortions happen when the embryo is indistinguishable from a shrimp or a bundle of a few hundred cells.

We see the value inherent in a person who can feel and think, who has relationships, and who has responsibilities and dreams that a pregnancy does not fit into - not now, at least. We see, given the enormous variety in sexuality, that sex is not solely to facilitate reproduction, and that consent to sex is not consent to childbirth.

We know that complete control over our reproductive futures is the only way people with the potential to be pregnant can be on equal footing with the rest of the world. Unintended pregnancy is a possibility for over half the population of the world. Is it unrealistic to assume that many of those people don’t want to be pregnant, either now or ever? Is it unrealistic to imagine that an unintended pregnancy could derail or destroy any possibility for some of those people to succeed and be well?

Why must we live our lives at the whim of our ovaries? We are mental, emotional, spiritual, and social creatures, too. Why can’t the outcome of a pregnancy be respected after evaluating those aspects of ourselves? We are the gateway through which new life passes, and we have a say in who comes through.

Bebinn already wrote a fantastic rebuttal to your sentimental nonsense about teh baybeez, but there were a couple of other notes I wanted to hit, too, so here…

Someone wrote that people who are pro life have no right to be feminists. This hurts me to know that someone who is a fellow feminist would say such a thing.

I’m terribly sorry someone hurt your delicate fee-fees (SPOILER ALERT: no, I’m not) by refusing to acknowledge your pseudo-feminist identity, but you know what?  Words Mean Things.  If we don’t take a stand now and again on who gets to call themself a feminist, you end up with Sarah Palin feminism.  And nobody wants that.  Except Sarah Palin.  Who is very definitely not a feminist.  And I’m sorry to say, neither are you, given the opinion you’ve expressed here.

“If you don’t feel exactly the same as me about this subject matter THEN YOU ARE TOTALLY WRONG!”

I realize this goes against a lot of our pseudo-balance-seeking culture in which “everyone is entitled to their opinion” somehow became warped into “everyone’s opinion is correct and you can never challenge it”, but some opinions are absolutely WRONG.  Like, for example, the opinion that a fetus has the right to overrule its parent’s bodily sovereignty.  That is simply, flatly, WRONG.  You’re trying to play the victim here because someone told you you were wrong and your very wrong opinion was not welcome in this movement.  That’s bullshit.  You are not the victim here.  Please stop trying to paint real feminists as big mean bullies for not gently coddling your precious opinion and telling you you’re totally right forever.

Since when did abortion become the litmus test for whether or not you are a feminist? I consider feminism to be about earning equality for ALL PEOPLE. 

First of all, feminism is a movement for gender equality.  Period.  In an intersectional analysis, feminists/feminism must also be fighting for equality and justice alongside many other groups as well, because there are disabled women, queer women, women of color, etc. who should all be served by the work of feminism.  (I say should because sadly, feminism falls far short of this ideal, again and again.)  But saying that “feminism is about equality for ALL PEOPLE” strikes me as taking a movement that began by and for women, and decentering that history in favor of a nebulous all-people approach.  And I’ve seen far too many “you shouldn’t be a feminist, you should be a humanist/equalist/whatever because WHAT ABOUT EVERYONE ELSE (where “everyone else” means “men” but they don’t want to say that” to be comfortable with that.

Skipping a little bit…

I don’t know whether or not I consider myself pro choice, or pro life.

If you’re against abortion, you’re sure as shit not pro-choice.  I suggest asking yourself one big, single question: Do you, or would you, support banning or restricting access to abortion services?  If the answer is yes, count yourself in the pro-life camp, please.  If the answer is no, you might possibly consider yourself grudgingly pro-choice, but I would still request that you kindly STFU and keep your judgmental bullshit to yourself.  If you absolutely must agonize about the moral whatever of abortion, do it in your diary or something where you aren’t contributing to an atmosphere of stigma and shame and cultural pressure on people who have had, or have needed, or might need in the future, access to abortion.

Skipping some more…

I understand that not all women are prepared or suitable to be mothers. In this case, there are plenty of adoption agencies that are readily available.

Once more with feeling: adoption is not a solution to unwanted pregnancy.  Adoption is a solution to unwanted parenting.  For many people who become pregnant when they didn’t want to be, it’s not just the parenting they object to, it’s the whole pregnancy-and-birth thing, which adoption does not a damn thing to solve.  Adoption and abortion are not equivalent; they do not solve the same problem at all.  

Furthermore, there are far too many children in the system as it is.  In particular, children of color and children born with disabilities or congenital conditions are often not adopted and instead spend their whole lives in foster care, bounced from one place to another, never having a real home, only to be kicked out on the streets on their 18th birthday with no real support system to help them get on their feet.  Do some research on the realities of the adoption system in this country before you try to prescribe it as a panacea for unwanted pregnancy.

Fast forward again…

Why would we ever choose to make abortion the staple of feminism? It’s an awful thing.

Because as Bebinn said, without control over one’s reproductive choices, we can never have true equality.  And no, it’s not.  

I only ask that you understand one point: Feminism is NOT about choosing whether or not to have an abortion.

It’s not *about* abortion, no.  But the right to choose how to handle one’s unwanted pregnancy is a major tenet of feminism, and just saying it’s not so doesn’t change that.

As long as you have the well being and betterment of societal standards at heart, you are a feminist.

[animated gif from The West Wing of Martin Sheen in a suit pointing at the viewer and saying “Stand there in your wrongness and be wrong and get used to it”]

And, for the piece de resistance…

You have the right to disagree with me, but do so in a manner that is respectful, and calm. 

LOL!  Lololololol.  Okay, see, pulling a preemptive tone argument is not actually going to help.  You’re talking about restricting my access to a vitally needed medical procedure.  You’re saying you think I should have to surrender my right to controlling my own body and choosing to what use it is put, in order to allow something to use my body for its own purposes - a particular purpose which I am absolutely never ever EVER interested in using my body for, no less; yes, I am one of those people Bebinn mentioned who doesn’t ever want to be pregnant.  You are advocating forced childbirth, which is TORTURE - painful, long-lasting, risking injury or death - and I am one of the people you are advocating it for.

I am under no obligation to be calm or respectful to you while you’re trying to violate my rights.  

Deal with it.  If you want to talk about contentious topics, you need to be prepared for pushback that will not always be gentle and respectful.  Saying “you’re allowed to disagree with me but only if you do it the way I like!” just makes you look ridiculous and emotionally-manipulative.