It’s real funny [except not funny at all] how the way to devalue, dehumanize and gaslight women is to say they have Daddy Issues
Daddy Issues became a well known thing because men have become known for abusing and leaving their children
And yet, somehow that’s a reflection on the daughter and not men
But Feminists make up sexism right?
(via shorm)
Source: sheiswolf
moment of silence for the family i once had.
Source: seriouslyamerica
I miss the dad I grew up with.
Even if that was just the only part of him I could see at the time.
I still miss him.
Screencapping someone’s post in order to criticize it is kind of douchey and if I could reblog this I would, but I can’t so I’m just gonna say:
Wow? I am really alarmed by and not cool with this?
Applying (relatively) niche sexual terminology to kids + an implicit tolerance for ignoring other people’s “no” is not…what? what?
Am I just being too sensitive? I’m open to the possibility that I’m being way too sensitive. But I’m also having a really hard time coming up with scenarios where it would ever be acceptable for parents to institute a practice with their kids that does have a primarily sexual meaning in the “real [adult] world”?
I dunno. I feel like the concept can be desexualized for use in other contexts, like this one, and I don’t really find it problematic in that sense. I agree that it would be far better to just take “no” as NO without having to dress it up with other words like this, and there’s the major difference between the sexual use of it and this non-sexual use - that the concept originated because in a kink context people don’t always want no to mean no, so there had to be a way to convey “no” without binding it solely to the word “no”. Whereas in a non-sexual context, I’m not sure I see a reason for no not to mean no. On the other hand, it’s true that kids get such shitty mixed messages around boundaries and saying no to adults - “It’s okay to say no to someone touching you if you don’t like it” but then “Go give Grandma a hug [whether you want to or not]” and that sort of thing - that while ideally they could learn and practice “no” on its own as an inviolable boundary, in practice it’s not so simple. So this strikes me as a pragmatist’s solution to the issue - yeah, it’d be better if we could just say “no” but that’s kinda complicated so let’s give them another tool to help reinforce their boundaries. So it’s not entirely unproblematic but I’m disinclined to really come down on it. Though that may be my own bias showing, because I’d have shanked a baby for a way to get my dad to NO SERIOUSLY STOP TICKLING ME when I was a kid. So YMMV.
THIS FUCKING THIS
B
HOLY FUCK! SO FUCKING TRUE!
(via karethdreams)
Source: nic0tine-kisses
Holy fucking shit.
You guys.
I uh.
I think I just got my grandmother to back down from a Judgment Letter.
Remember that email I posted about a few weeks ago, where my dad gave her the link to my blogspot blog and she sent me this condescending judgmental little “gosh you’ve become such an angry and negative person” email? And how I posted a bit of what I wanted to respond with?
I’ve been…really out of it lately, but I re-found my response in my drafts folder over the weekend and said fuck it, hit send.
I just got the following back:
thanks so much for your response. i have a much better understanding of “where you’re coming from,” and certainly empathize. grandad and i often discuss today’s terribly unfair state of society, but recognize the fact that we are not the generation most severely affected. it’s your generation that has to deal with it in whatever way seems best. as you well know, i haven’t a clue about blogs and their purpose, but you helped me get a little clarity. please know that whatever sadness i express comes from knowing that someone i love is in pain. however, i must also remember that your blog is only one facet of your complex personality.
…of all the traits my dad got directly from her, why couldn’t the ability to recognize and admit when you’ve been thoroughly schooled be one of them?
But yeah this is kind of huge because that side of the family, we’re all ridiculously proud and stubborn so someone backing down from a position like that is almost unheard of.
Go me.
Writing email to Dad. Do I even mention the Incident? When we last texted he said something about Tutu just getting out of the hospital for something though he didn’t say what, so I’m tempted to say something like “It seems Tutu is doing well, at least well enough to lecture a grown woman on how she runs her own blog - and by the way, I do not appreciate you passing the link along, because there’s a reason I generally keep family and my online life separate, and it’s not cool for you to run right over that boundary without even saying anything to me about it.”
Trying to decide how much of A Thing it would escalate into from that single sentence. Calculate if it would be a manageable amount and I could still get what I want out of him, or if it would blow up and fuck over everything.
Thoughts?
Oh, balls.
So I’m looking at Craigslist job ads - depressing as fuck, btw, do not recommend - and I have half a dozen I’m going to send my resume to, but one in particular stood out for me and I’d actually really like to get that one if I could. It’s for an admin and flight coordinator for a small (5-plane) charter op out of Oakland Airport. Basic admin/office management, plus some customer service and the kind of travel/catering/fueling arrangements that are specific and unique to aviation administration.
Well, my dad’s a corporate pilot. I’ve spent far more time around the FBO side of airports than your average person. I may not have fulfilled a flight coordinator role before, but I know the concepts and I’m more familiar with their needs than someone without aviation background. I could pick this one up in no time, and I’d actually really like it. I like airports. I like being around this stuff. I grew up hanging out at airports, ffs. Took my first ride in an airplane when I was 2 months old and my dad apparently strapped my car seat into the copilot’s chair and went flying. It would certainly beat the hell out of working in construction or insurance.
Thing is…I’m still pissed at my dad over the blog-grandmother-link incident. Haven’t had a chance to rip into him over it yet. But…for all I know, he knows people over at OAK. It’s not a huge industry and it’s entirely possible he’s got some friend of a friend connection over there, or maybe more direct than that, idk. So I really should play nice and find out if he can help me out with this.
But I don’t want to play nice when he still hasn’t gotten an earful about what a boundary-overstepping dickbag he’s been lately. *pouts*
First draft of my reply to my grandmother over yesterday’s bullshit email under the cut. Critique, suggestions, etc welcome.
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![poorlifechoicesblog:
Screencapping someone’s post in order to criticize it is kind of douchey and if I could reblog this I would, but I can’t so I’m just gonna say:
Wow? I am really alarmed by and not cool with this?
Applying (relatively) niche sexual terminology to kids + an implicit tolerance for ignoring other people’s “no” is not…what? what?
Am I just being too sensitive? I’m open to the possibility that I’m being way too sensitive. But I’m also having a really hard time coming up with scenarios where it would ever be acceptable for parents to institute a practice with their kids that does have a primarily sexual meaning in the “real [adult] world”?
I dunno. I feel like the concept can be desexualized for use in other contexts, like this one, and I don’t really find it problematic in that sense. I agree that it would be far better to just take “no” as NO without having to dress it up with other words like this, and there’s the major difference between the sexual use of it and this non-sexual use - that the concept originated because in a kink context people don’t always want no to mean no, so there had to be a way to convey “no” without binding it solely to the word “no”. Whereas in a non-sexual context, I’m not sure I see a reason for no not to mean no.
On the other hand, it’s true that kids get such shitty mixed messages around boundaries and saying no to adults - “It’s okay to say no to someone touching you if you don’t like it” but then “Go give Grandma a hug [whether you want to or not]” and that sort of thing - that while ideally they could learn and practice “no” on its own as an inviolable boundary, in practice it’s not so simple. So this strikes me as a pragmatist’s solution to the issue - yeah, it’d be better if we could just say “no” but that’s kinda complicated so let’s give them another tool to help reinforce their boundaries.
So it’s not entirely unproblematic but I’m disinclined to really come down on it.
Though that may be my own bias showing, because I’d have shanked a baby for a way to get my dad to NO SERIOUSLY STOP TICKLING ME when I was a kid. So YMMV.](http://25.media.tumblr.com/778ce965051eef0a9cc9de73d74a7357/tumblr_mmviyjYUB51qbz4v1o1_1280.png)
